Monday, April 19, 2010

Family = LOVE

I had a wonderful weekend with my family, away from all the craziness and noise in my head, and it was exactly what I needed. It was a real turning point for me because I didn't have to drink and overeat to have fun, or to drown out the voices in my head. It got me thinking how lucky I am to have the things I have, and to love the people I love, and be loved in return.

This is a blessed Life I live. Full of insanity and love. A house filled with people who are the sun, the moon, and all that the universe revolves around. These people - big and small - who love me no matter what. This place that opened new doors, created new possibilities, and brought me new hope. These days, where I wake up and fall in love with who I have become. This moment, where I am grateful - eternally grateful - for this blessed life.

Days pass with lightening fast speed where people come and people go, circumstances change, and life goes on. Nights are filled with love making, the sound of the rain on the roof above our heads, the peaceful faces of my beautiful children, and the anticipation of the dawning of a new day filled with endless possibilities. My heart grows bigger as my resentments become smaller. My eyes are wide open as I close old wounds and old doors. My fingers entertwine with his, and for that moment, everything else ceasts to exist.

My past is no longer filled with heartache and sadness. It is now consumed with the sounds of childrens laughter, the soft breath of my husband's slumber on my neck, and mental pictures flickering like bursts of light, each of the people I love.

This is a blessed life I live.

And so, I want to share something I wrote:

Today was a day like any other,
I kissed my husband goodbye,
I called my mother.
I played with my children
and tucked them into bed.
I read a book
to silence my head.
I washed and I folded,
I cleaned and I swept.
I finally sat down on the couch
and I wept.
For today was not a day
like any I'd known.
Today I found solace
in being alone.
I let go of my anguish
I allowed my soul to cry.
Today a miracle happened,
Today a part of me died.
I relinquished my anger
and let go of my fears.
I allowed myself to mourn,
then I wiped away my tears.
I stared at my new self
for a very long while.
Then something extraordinary happened,
I smiled.

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