But with the help of one of my very best friends, I finally did it. I kept a secret from my sister for months. And it SUCKED. It was harder than trying to strap your baby to your chest with one of those granola mom loving baby harnesses that have no buckles and the only way to get your child from face planting to the ground is by knowing origami and having a roll of duct tape. Yeah, it was that kind of hard.
For months, we texted and called and Amazon Prime ordered and Etsy'd our asses off planning for this party. It was going to the be the best fake bridal shower planning, Surprise 40th Birthday Party anyone had ever pulled out of their asses. It was complete with gold glitter cat decorations for my cat loving sister, pink and gold glitter e'rthing, booze that would rival a Jay-Z backstage after party and enough food to put you into Weight Watchers meetings for a year.
But when her car pulled up and everyone got into position, the tension was palpable. I could literally feel the heartbeat of every person there pounding in my chest. I don't think I remembered to breathe for a solid five minutes. As she came up the side of the house, our friend Melissa signaled for her son to start playing "Go shorty, it's your birthday", we all jumped out and yelled SURPRISE, she had an aneurysm and everyone went home.
Kidding.
She was carrying arms full of baskets for the shower she was supposed to be planning, along with wine and other shower-like goodies that she almost threw on the ground, and I am pretty sure I saw a trickle of pee come down her leg when we scared her half to death and she instantly started crying. Mission accomplished. I believe her exact words as she rounded the corner were "What the hell is wrong with all of you? That is terrible!" Aw, sweeter words have never been spoken 💖
Head over to my Instagram to check it out:
I have to say, I haven't seen my sister smile so big, or be as happy as I had seen her that night in a long time. She was glowing, she was dancing, she was hugging, she was being hugged, she was genuinely realizing just how far the people that love her would go to let her know how incredibly special and important she is to them.
And just when she thought it just couldn't possibly get any better than that she started opening up a gift that was signed from a group of us who had donated towards it and came in eight sections. Each piece - things like sunscreen, maracas, a margarita glass with tequila, a Daddy Daycare DVD, a tank top that said This Senorita Needs a Margarita, a calendar and finally - a signed card - told her that she has an all expense paid trip girls trip to Mexico next spring!
BOOM! NAILED IT! As much as we looked forward to it, and enjoyed it, I had never been so happy for something to be over. Surprise parties are stressful and I am glad she doesn't turn 50 for another 10 years.
Also, I have a sprained wrist. Long story short, gravity and alcohol (and walls) are not my friend and if I want to sit on the ground after I fall I am pretty intent on doing just that, until I'm not, at which point I will sprint into the house, and into a wall. Good times, good times.
I am available for your Sweet 16's, Quinceanera's, Dirty 30's, Lordy Lordy 40's and Bachelorette Parties for a reasonable fee. Just don't let me drink Fireball on an empty stomach. You've been warned.
