Skool Is Kewl

The kids are home from school today. It is another one of those “give the teachers off and raise your tax dollars” days that I appreciate so much. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and I kind of enjoy these sporadic days where we can sleep in on a non-weekend day and go out for lunch and watch movies together, but the problem is that these days are no longer sporadic. They seem to happen more and more often. I don’t remember having all of these superindentents-having-coffee-and-donuts days or all of these teachers-having-off-to-fuck-with-the-parents days. Since I’m on an employment hiatus, I don’t mind it so much but when I was a functioning member of society, these little field trip days really put a run in my panty hose. Not only did I have to either take the day off to stay home or find a sitter who could be paid enough to spend 9 hours with my kids, but it costed me more money that I already didn’t have. Teachers nowadays are wussies. You can’t look at them crooked without them thinking you are going to go all rogue on them and stab them in the eye. If kids speak a cross word to each other they act like it’s a homeland security issue. It’s a sign of the times when a good old fashioned ass beating behind the school at 3:00 between the pocket protector wearing nerd and the school bully is now a cause for expulsions and psychiatric reviews. Now I am not of the opinion that things don’t need a more watchful eye after the Columbine shootings and other such unpleasantries, but I AM saying sometimes they just take things completely out of context. But, once again I have rambled off course and I digress.

What I am saying is that education costs more, yet children are learning less. More and more children are dropping out of school, teenage pregnancy is on the rise, and teenage drug use is an epidemic more so now that it was 17 years ago when I was in school. (MAN, I’m old!). My point is that maybe if the kids were in school more and getting less vacation days, snow days, just-because-we-don’t-want-to-look-at-you days, and friggin’ superintendent days they wouldn’t have so much time to get in trouble, knocked up and stoned to the point that they can’t even get the 200 points for spelling their names right on the SAT’s.

This isn’t a we had it so much harder than these whipper snappers stories - I DID NOT walk 5 miles, uphill, in a snow storm with no shoes and the wind always in my face like my fathers before me. I simply went to school. I went with headaches, cramps, stomach aches, the sniffles, and once I am pretty sure I had a case of the swine flu before it was popular. They didn’t close school because of any silly wind chill factors, and unless someone actually got frost bite and lost a limb, they didn’t give a shit how many feet of snow were on the ground. If the bus could make it you, you could make it to school.

Superintendents actually did their jobs during school hours and teachers got this great vacation package called:

~10 days of for Christmas, Hannakuh, or whatever religion prompted 10 days of reflection

~MLK day, Presidents day, Voters day, Labor Day, Memorial Day and Christopher “the world really is round” frigging Columbus day

~Toss in a couple “spring breaks” and we’ve got ourselves a party.

And don’t get me started on the two and a half months of summer vacation.

Teachers and educators, I realize you work hard, regardless of all your Margeritaville Fridays, but if I am paying for these so called “superintendents days” I think I should be in on it or you should refund me some of my tax dollars. I’m just sayin’.