Saturday, March 13, 2010

All you need is L.O.V.E

One of the biggest lessons I have learned in the last six months is how similar a motivator love and hate are, regardless of how different they are as an emotion. I find myself equally wanting to move forward to make this change by the people that love and support me as I do by the people who doubt me and want to see me fail. I find validation in the relationships I already knew were strong, and an almost amusing disbelief in the ignorance of people who I thought I could depend on. It amazes me how people react to change. People will say they “love you for you” until you decide that YOU want to change.

With that said, and in this moment of gushy Lifetime movie reflection I want to give a shout out (HOLLA!) to the people in my life who make this all possible:

Mom – I wish the universe were filled with mothers like you. There is nothing I can’t tell you, nothing I can’t come to you with. I feel like I got the best of both worlds when I got a best friend and a mother all mixed into one beautiful woman. You are my strength and my inspiration, the reason I strive to be better, and the one constant in my ever changing life. You give me the courage to make the changes, follow the dreams, and live this life. I love you doesn’t seem like enough, but regardless, I love you in the truest sense of the words.

Tracy – who would have ever thought we would go from fighting over clothes, shoes, hairspray and space to being best friends and sisters. I know that no matter what I do in life you have my back and I have your unconditional support. I love how we have grown together as women, mothers and wives. I love that when I am sad you will cry with me, when I laugh you will laugh with me, and when someone pisses me off you will plot their demise with me. You are a pillar of strength and a sister in the truest sense of the word.

Theresa – my baby sister, my gossip buddy, my stalker and one of the true loves of my life. You are such a beautiful woman and I can’t believe I am lucky enough to be here to watch you blossom and I am blessed that our bond is so strong that you come to me and trust my advice. I love that you are the baby, but when I am feeling down and need reassurance, I can come to you and you always make me smile. I love that when I think of soul mates, I think of my sisters. I love you and all of your quirkiness, your strength, your undying love and your dedication to our relationship.

“My Jenny” – You are my angel. We might as well have been sisters, because that is the bond I feel I share with you. I often wondered how it was that we weren’t close growing up and I think it was all a divine plan. I think God wanted to wait until we could be old enough to really appreciate each other. I hold a spot in my heart so separate and so treasured for you that no one can even come close to touching it. You are one of the most sincere, honest, compassionate, loving women I have ever met and the love I have for you is beyond words.

Jenn and Mel – My girls. My loves. My “chosen” family. Two of the strongest, most loyal and craziest women I know. I feel like we weren’t born to blood ties because what we have is so much stronger. I know that forever and always, you will be a part of my life and I will look to you for strength. I love you so much!

Ninja Wife (AKA Sarah) – what words can spoken for a person who just totally gets you? For someone who you can turn your filter off with and never feel an ounce of shame for the moments you share. Someone who will know when you need a hug without saying a word. Someone you can share your deepest, darkest secrets with and never feel regrets. Someone who understands you spiritually, intellectually and deeply. Someone you just feel cosmically connected to. You are my best friend and I love you for all of your advice, your support, your encouragement and your frequent ass kickings when I wanted to give up on myself.

My Babies – My life is worth nothing without you. You are the reason I get up in the morning and the peaceful dreams I have at night. You are the two best things I ever did with my life, the reason I don’t ever regret my past, and two of the most beautiful human beings ever to inhabit the earth. You make me so proud to be a woman and a mother. You consume my heart and my life and you make me proud everyday. Your unconditional love is unlike any I have ever known. You are my past, my present, my future and everything I hold dear. I love you with a ferocity that is unmatched and I am grateful to God everyday for granting me with your lives and your love.

My Husband – I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, but the universe definitely rewarded me when it offered me your love and support. Your hand in my hand gives me strength to take each new step. When you look at me, I feel like you see into my soul. I love that you accept me at my best, and love me deeper when I am at my worst. You guide me through this maze with an intensity and a passion that fuels me and I love you for that. If it all fell apart tomorrow and I had nothing left but your love, I would die a happy woman. There are so few men left in this world that embody the generosity and the chivalry and the commitment that you possess and if I had to live every crappy day of my life over again to get to you, I would live it twofold. I love you Timothy Sinclair – Today, Tomorrow and Always.

To all the other key players in this drama that is my life, I don’t love or appreciate you any less if you weren’t listed individually. I just don’t think people want to read a War and Peace lovefest novel that will inevitably make them say AWWW and vomit in the same sentence. Just know that despite time, circumstance, distance or situation, I love you and I appreciate you. No matter what the end result of all of this is, I am sincerely one of the luckiest people I know to have so many people who love me so truly, and who support my dreams and aspirations.

With all of that said, this PSA (Public Service Announcement) was brought to you by my ever turning, emotionally charged, sometimes schizo, often disturbed mind. Thank you and have a nice day.

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