Let's make one thing clear, me and the treadmill - we are NOT friends. I let him stay in my house rent free and mock me everytime I try to walk by with a bowl of ice cream or a late night treat, but we are not friends by any means. We are love/hate acquaintances. The kind that only hang out when other people that we actually like get together. We smile politely, make idle chit chat and endure each others company. Somedays when I force myself to strap on my gym shoes and get on that thing I walk a little harder just to see how much pain it is willing to endure. I wait for the day that the flimsy rubber belt breaks out of pure spite and I picture a little digital smile spreading across the console as it throws me into the adjacent wall. When I am walking and staring off into the distance pretending to be somewhere (anywhere) else, I am pretty sure I see it mocking me in disdain out of the corner of my eye. It leers and beckons me, and my weak, fat soul caves everytime. I am sure one day, many months from now, we will mend out broken relationship when my waistline is one that I can find again, but for now, let's just say we are frenemies.
My surgery is in 25 days. I have waited so long for this opportunity to come to fruition that I am in a state of denial at the fact that it is actually here. I am both proud of myself for getting through these last 5 months, and disappointed in myself for needing this to fix me again. I have spent much of my adult life fighting demons that no one could see, and that I was too afraid to share. But I made it out of the other side and I can finally see the finish line. And that God blessed treadmill is going to get me there whether it likes it or not!!