Thinking thin Mantra #8:
Do you need it? Or do you want it? There’s a big difference.
Part 1 of a 2 part series....
This statement can pertain to OH SO MANY THINGS....but for the sake of keeping my ADD in check, and keeping this PG Rated, let's say it pertains to my new lifestyle.
I want to warn you that I am about to whine about something completely ridiculous and unnecessary, but it has to be done. I used to have a closet full of clothes that would rival Christian Dior. I had more clothes than I could even keep out at one time. Twice a year, I had to pack away one set of clothes to make room for entire bins full of other clothes. I had two dressers and an oversized closet full of kick ass jeans, gorgeous sweaters and blouses and items I forgot I even bought that still had tags attached. Granted, they were all 10 sizes bigger than I am now, but I was pretty rockin' for a fat chick. I no longer own a single remnant of that life. It has all been sold, donated or given to friends. I have been reduced to ONE closet that now houses everything I own and empty dresser drawers. No sooner do I buy new clothes than I grow out of them and need new ones. I have become the exact person I used to scoff at. I am the mom grocery shopping in my running sneakers, yoga pants and t-shirts that are too big. I can't even bring myself to buy things most of the time, because I know as soon as I love them and get attached to them, I will have to give them away. I am sure there are women all over the world reading this right now wanting to drop kick me in the spleen for complaining about losing too much weight, but if you only knew how much I LOVE my clothes, you would understand.
This is where the want vs. need mantra comes into play. I WANT new clothes because I NEED new clothes, but I cannot keep throwing money away on things that I don't get use out of. I become emotionally attached to a good pair of jeans that hug my smaller ass or a sweater that makes my stomach look flatter than it really is, and to give it up before our affair is over just seems sad and wrong on so many levels. And that makes me so much more impatient about getting to my goal weight so I can re-stock my wardrobe and feel whole again. I realize losing 80 pounds in 4.5 months is a pretty big deal, but I wish I had a fast forward button that would take me to the end of this journey and to the front door of the nearest shopping mall.
I am trying to remind myself that it is important to remember each and every day of this journey I am on so that I don't end up back at square one, but fall trends are out and I am jonesing for a shopping spree. Even my shoes have gotten too big and to giving them up is like giving away a child, or an appendage. It is painful and filled with teary eyed sadness. There was a moment recently when I sold my very favorite shoes EVER on eBay, before I even got to wear them, and I swear I sat in my room with them on my feet for a good 10 minutes before I was able to put them in the box and ship them off. Goodbye my high heeled friend, it was nice knowing you.
I guess the opposite side of this situation is that there are SO MANY more options out there for regular sized clothes. I mean, the websites and sales never end and this could be a really scary thing. I definitely need to go back to work....and have my husband build me a bigger closet....and another dresser. I "window shop" online, meaning I fill cart after cart on webpage after webpage, and rack up thousands of dollars worth of wish items that I would like to own, and then I empty them all before I burn a hole in my credit card. Because at this stage in the game, what is the point really?
So tomorrow, part 2 of this post will actually pertain to that for which it was intended...exercise and lifestyle change. But I just had to get this whole clothing thing out in the open because it was emotionally draining me. Everytime I looked in my closet I wanted to cry and go shopping. And if you can't imagine how it is that I could have outgrown everything I owned in 4 months, let me just show you this: