Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Naughty By Nature

Thinking thin mantra #2:

Practice makes perfect; soon enough healthy habits will be second nature.

I believe this. Sort of.

You see, while my mind is catching up with my body, and I am starting to reach for the carrots instead of the carrot cake, the handcuffed fat girl in me still wants to eat Lucky Charms for breakfast, and still wants to indulge in a Little Debbie snack cake every night. That fat, little bitch rattles the handcuffs against the refrigerator door and throws an all out temper tantrum, and the skinnier me almost isn't strong enough to contain her.

In the past I had often heard and read that we are supposed to eat to live, rather than live to eat. I get that now, but it doesn't make me want to crack into a bag of miniature chocolate bars any less. Food is a social activity (which is an ironic phrase since there is nothing "active" about sitting on your ass inhaling tiny Butterfingers) and we have gotten lost, more than once, in the sounds and smells of food being prepared, served, and shortly therafter....devoured. It's a naughty little orgasm of the senses that doesn't leave stains on your sheets, but still leaves you feeling the after-shame.

I wouldn't say eating the right things has become second nature, as much as habit formed my force. I mean, realistically, had I not had the surgery, I am pretty sure I would be sitting here licking the icing off a pre-packaged honey bun for breakfast rather than sipping on a sugar-free Carnation instant breakfast shake. But sometimes, that is just the way the cookie crumbles.

I would love to be one of these soy loving, homemade granola eating, spring out of bed ready to tackle the world kind of exercise loving hippies. But, the reality is that I am an almost middle aged, ice cream loving, elastic pants wearing, DO NOT talk to me before I have had my morning coffee kinda gal. I do not come equipped with six pack abs and an ass you can bounce a quarter off of. I come with lovehandles, sometimes the occasional muffin top, stretch marks and an ass you can rest your coffee cup on. Take it or leave it, that is me.

I am sure someday, in the very far away and distant future, this lifestyle will become more second nature, and maybe someday my body will be somewhat more toned and less jiggle, but for now I am still learning. I am still retraining my brain to process on things like sugar-free, and high protein and low fat and low carb rather than the oh-my-god-I-can-feel-the-sugar-ripping-through-my-veins-YIPPPEEEE!!!!! trips I have taken in years past.

Practice does make perfect. And I am naughty by nature. I mean you can’t teach a lion who has lived in the jungle not to rip into someone’s juicy, meaty flesh in just one day right? So how can you expect to retrain 35 years of greasy, fried, fast food living into a protein and multi-grain lover in just 12 weeks? Not going to happen my friend. Not going to happen. But I will get there…....eventually.


  1. And that naughty side, you kinda like her right? But she is your biggest enemy. You know, you're feeling impish. And how impish would it be to put on a good cd and rock on with your bad self. And a bag of lays potato chips. And some cokes and m&ms. Or, in my case, a bottle of Kendall and a pack of marlboro red. Sigh. I feel ya.

  2. I totally dig the naughty girl in me, yet at the same time the skinnier me loves being able to tie my shoes without holding my breath. It's a fine, fine line I straddle....chomp a lovely potato chip and butter sandwich, or wear pants not made from tent material....decisions, decisions....LOL.